I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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