I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
