oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
