There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
