none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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