I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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