She went from zero to smokin in five shots
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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