It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
