Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
worst night to have a conscience
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize