She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
