I wish i was in the wii world.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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