Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
