apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
