Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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