It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
