I wanna passion pit in your ass
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
