Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
