I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
