I wish I could punch you in the face.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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