I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
