He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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