i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
