i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
