The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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