I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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