you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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