When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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