Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize