You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
