Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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