Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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