Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
