I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
