I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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