Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
