Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
