He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
