Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
