My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
