yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
