i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
