im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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