I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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