we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
