All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize