wat bout pragnant strippers??
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
