He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize