Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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