I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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