Ambien. No doubt about it.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
