you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
