Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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