Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I love you.
Bad choice
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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