ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
