it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
