At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
