OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
