I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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