I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
