Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
