He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
