evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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