This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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