I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
