i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
