Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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