Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
