I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
