I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
