Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
