So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
