Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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