I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
