It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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