the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
