tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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