Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Farmville is her only friend.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize