Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
