In America we eat man semen.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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