How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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