I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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