Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
