No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
